speaking of scientists

A friend who's a NASA-funded astrophysicist bemoans the agency's new emphasis on manned spaceflight over science in the form of a protest song:


I started dissertation work when I was 23.
I knew an astrophysicist was what I longed to be.
I wanted to build satellites that gaze up at the stars,
But Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.

Oh Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.
I hear there aren't very many bars.
They won't let you bring cigarettes, or even fine cigars.
Oh Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.

They said "Your research must support the Exploration Vision,
And if you can't adapt to it, you might as well go fishin' ".
But no one bought my argument that spaceflight would be over
If astronauts encountered an uncharted supernova!

Oh Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.
Don't want to show those NASA medics my appendix scars.
They force you to relieve yourself in tiny little jars.
Oh Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.

Now if we beg a thousand times they might just save the Hubble --
And leave the rest of science in a thousand kinds of trouble.
And planetary scientists expecting great largesse
Should think of all the science that gets done on ISS!

Oh Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.
Don't care if lower gravity helps golfers shoot more pars.
In space no one can hear us when we play on our guitars.
Oh Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.

I still don't know just how we're gonna pay for it.
But please don't take my little grants away for it.
Look in on any campus and you'll see who will be hurtin'
While all those no-bid moonbase contracts go to Halliburton!

Oh Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.
Just count me with the "no we're nots" and not the "yes we ares",
Let's keep on sending orbiters and funny little cars,
But Mama, I don't wanna go,
And there's no way I'm gonna go,
Mama...I...don't...want...to...go...to.....
[tune changes to "Rocket Man"]: Mars....ain't the kind of place to raise your kids.....
[back to tempo]: So Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars!
Six.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One........No funds.

--Anonymous