Occasional light verse, mostly political. If you're looking for a certain cold medicine, try here. But we can put you to sleep cheaper.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Boeing, Starbucks, Microsoft

Texas prairies breed crude oil,
Mushroom cans breed botulism.
Something in Seattle's soil
Seems to breed monopolism.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Boeing bounces back

Two huge orders from Air India and Air Canada.

Ain't it swell how things are going?
Orders fell, and now they're growing.
Empty cup or overflowing:
Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

unsociable insecurity

The debate over optional privatized social security accounts, which the White House has managed to persuade most of the press to rechristen "personal accounts" has been heating up to an unhealthy degree.

Social Security
Needs, in futurity,
Greater amounts;
But are private accounts
Meant to refine it
Or just undermine it?

As President Bush
Roams the country to sell it, he
Knows how to push.
But will retirees
Get a boost out of these,
Or just Schwab and Fidelity?

One side attacks,
And the tone, which was bitter
Does nothing but worsen; all
DC's a-twitter.
The other strikes back
And screams of atrocities.
Who will survive it?
These new animosities
Will not stay private; no,
This time they're personal.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

today, a redirect

For today, instead of wasting your time here, check out the results from this week's Style Invitational in The Washington Post. Scroll to the bottom of the first page, where it says "Report from Week 603", and proceed through the next few pages. You won't regret it.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

in case you hadn't heard....

...the thing that brought down the anger of the religious Right on Anthony Kennedy was his written opinion against that most sacred ritual, the execution of juveniles.

"Suffer the little children to come unto Me,"
Were the words of every Christian's Master.
Schlafly and DeLay are sore
that Justice Kennedy
Will not let them send them there the faster.

thrashing ever more wildly

Tom DeLay blasted his opponents and Justice Anthony Kennedy on Fox News Radio recently.

DeLay's despair is clear to see,
As all his rantings indicate.
No "vast right-wing conspiracy"
Can touch his "left-wing syndicate".
And though a Reagan nominee,
It only stands to reason
That anyone named Kennedy
Is liberal unto treason.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Global Warning

The Arctic Refuge needs preserving,
Many on the Left opine,
For all those critters, so deserving.
I would take a different line.

I, against the Right's hysterics,
Offer this unique retort:
All those ugly oil derricks
Will spoil it as a beach resort.

...and what about us?

"In order to survive ...musk oxen must limit their activity and
conserve energy."
--The Alaska Wilderness League

Consider first the Arab who
    Is justifiably concerned
    About the oil daily burned,
    Pouring into all our ports,
    And the way that it distorts
    Our urge to spread democracy
    And turns it to hypocrisy.

Consider next the caribou
    Sensitive to every toxin,
    Frolicking among musk oxen,
    Tending to its own affairs,
    Steering clear of polar bears,
    Innocent of oil spills,
    Giant trucks and iron drills...

Consider the unfair taboo
    Against gas-mileage regulation
    Even though such legislation
    Pushed through in the seventies
    Kept at bay the Japanese --
    Saved the ass of old Detroit,
    So retrograde and maladroit...

All these things at once distilling,
  Clear as day becomes our task; a
Child could see the answer's drilling
  Six month's oil from North Alaska.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Did you know?

On average, two or three people per day use the Google search engine to (presumably) search for the website of Vicks NyQuil, spell it "nightquill" instead, use the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button (presumably), and are for one horrible moment brought to this site instead?

If you are one of those people, sorry for the confusion, but stay and enjoy. The contents might clear your sinuses (through violent laughter) or, more likely, will put you to sleep. Either way, you're good. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This blog is not intended to cure or treat any disease.

road rage to the tune of...

..."Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" (Original Words and Music by Lorenz Hart and Richard Rogers)

I'm wild again
And riled again
I drive like a frustrated child again
Aggrieved, angry and aggressive, am I.

I pass a lot
Feed gas a lot
And flash my high beams at your a-- a lot
Aggrieved, angry and aggressive, am I.

Honk and I'll chew your head off;
I know some nasty words;
Your in luck if you get off
With being flipped the bird.

Insane again
A pain again
And ready to swoop through your lane again
Aggrieved, angry and aggressive, am I.

Right behind, I drive closer
Than a dog to a flea
May you merge? I say no, sir!
'Least not ahead of me.

I swerve a lot
Show nerve a lot
Perhaps I'll get what I deserve a lot.
Aggrieved, angry and aggressive, am I.
Aggrieved, angry and aggressive, am I!

to just a few...

...on both the Left and Right, apparently:

I think that I shall never see
Why others make a mystery
Of why Iago made Othello
Fall apart like unset JELL-O*,
Watering his jealousy, until it grew to reach the sky.

No need to go subtextual;
He wasn't homosexual.
He justifies his villainy
In very plain soliloquy
(Line 348, Act I, Scene III):
He thinks the Moor has given him the cuckold's horns, and that is why.

The foremost villain of our day
Has just as plainly had his say.
The thing that sets his blood to boil
Is Christian troops on Muslim soil,
So print this out in boldface type, don't set it off with commas:

The tragedies that he has planned
Were not intended to get banned
The IMF or WTO,
And if you think it must be so,
Then that would be your own obsession speaking, not Osama's.

*JELL-O is a registered trademark of Kraft Foods.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

some housekeeping

Comments may now be posted by anyone; apologies for not defeating the default setting earlier that disallowed it.

Our* father** pointed out that the preceding entry might be misconstrued. We would like to make it clear that we do not believe sanctimoniousness to be any more prevalent among gentiles than Jews; we were merely congratulating Sen. Lieberman for being the first major Jewish politician, that we know of, to use it for political advantage.

*Editorial plural.
**Literal father, lower-case.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

To Sen. Joseph Lieberman, "D"-CT

Let all our people dance for joy:
        Equality has come to pass!
No longer need you be a goy
        To be a sanctimonious ass.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

and other academics

If Ward Churchill's snubbed at cocktail parties,
He's only got himself to blame,
Like all the little Joe McCarthys
Who get famous by calling people names.

And once we're done defending
      his freedoms from attacks,
We'll turn up all our noses,
      and show him all our backs.

speaking of scientists

A friend who's a NASA-funded astrophysicist bemoans the agency's new emphasis on manned spaceflight over science in the form of a protest song:

I started dissertation work when I was 23.
I knew an astrophysicist was what I longed to be.
I wanted to build satellites that gaze up at the stars,
But Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.

Oh Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.
I hear there aren't very many bars.
They won't let you bring cigarettes, or even fine cigars.
Oh Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.

They said "Your research must support the Exploration Vision,
And if you can't adapt to it, you might as well go fishin' ".
But no one bought my argument that spaceflight would be over
If astronauts encountered an uncharted supernova!

Oh Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.
Don't want to show those NASA medics my appendix scars.
They force you to relieve yourself in tiny little jars.
Oh Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.

Now if we beg a thousand times they might just save the Hubble --
And leave the rest of science in a thousand kinds of trouble.
And planetary scientists expecting great largesse
Should think of all the science that gets done on ISS!

Oh Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.
Don't care if lower gravity helps golfers shoot more pars.
In space no one can hear us when we play on our guitars.
Oh Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.

I still don't know just how we're gonna pay for it.
But please don't take my little grants away for it.
Look in on any campus and you'll see who will be hurtin'
While all those no-bid moonbase contracts go to Halliburton!

Oh Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars.
Just count me with the "no we're nots" and not the "yes we ares",
Let's keep on sending orbiters and funny little cars,
But Mama, I don't wanna go,
And there's no way I'm gonna go,
[tune changes to "Rocket Man"]: Mars....ain't the kind of place to raise your kids.....
[back to tempo]: So Mama, I don't wanna go to Mars!
One........No funds.


Tuesday, April 05, 2005

to the scientists

Rocket Scientist Tapped as Next NASA Chief (Michael Griffin)

Scientist Named To Head the EPA (Stephen L. Johnson)

Your fine degrees (in case you've wondered)
        Won't add weight to your opinions.
You'll get your scripts from 1600,
        Just like all the other minions.


Monday, April 04, 2005

Odds and ends

This is not verse, but it's political. The subject of the article is not funny, but check out the picture and caption. Congratulations to the anonymous editor at the Washington Post who managed to out-Economist The Economist in caption writing.

This is not political, but it's verse, and it invokes my lame nom de plume:

The coolness people fake will
Never perfectly disguise:
Her business suit says "DayQuil,"
But there's NyQuil in her eyes.

(Originally published in the Style Invitational column of The Washington Post).

NyQuil and DayQuil are registered trademarks of Proctor and Gamble.

Oh, Sandy.

Throw a cordon 'round the stacks
     And hide those shears
Sandy gets his clearance back
     In just three years.

What possible excuse could there be for ever giving this man access to public documents again? Having said that, I have to add:

     Would do it better:
They, at least,
     Would own a shredder.


An appreciation

"Hooray, hooray, for Tom DeLay!"
Let every liberal sing today,
For once, for now, and unalloyed, a
Fleeting sip of schadenfreude
Taste before it pass away.

All the shady contributions,
All contempt for institutions,
Which in others we suspect,
Tom DeLay displays direct.
The President and all his cronies
Have the unabashed cojones
To conceal their worst abuses
Under smiles and excuses.
"National security"
Keeps in dark obscurity
Every probable mistake,
All the bribes we think they take.
Closet bullies, one and all,
But Tom's the one who can't recall
Every time push comes to shove
Where he left his velvet glove.

His long career will shortly pass,
So while he's here, let's raise a glass
To those who labor, day and night,
To prove our preconceptions right.

And quickly come to pass the day
When Congress works -- without DeLay.


Saturday, April 02, 2005

in memoriam

Whatever other teachings of John Paul
We may at other times have bridled at,
Let liberal America recall
A man and Church whose reverence for all
Humanity required that "pro-life"
Did not just mean an embryo's, but that
Of he who set the bomb, or drew the knife,
Or fired the gun. Wojtyla requiescat.



I thought this was too political for the New England Shakespeare Festival's Annual Sonnet Contest (also, they're charging to enter this year). Their challenge was a sonnet on the theme of "The Dangers of Love".

The politicians' falsities which roil us
And cost our public servants public trust
Are not the sins of Caesar, but of Troilus:
Not public power-seizure; private lust.

If Caesar's spouse must be above suspicion,
So Caesar must, if just in private life;
The overwhelming odor of ambition
Smells sweet if he is faithful to his wife.

He may buy the country whole, and he may sell it; he
May lie to bring us into war, and then
Divide the spoils with his friends. Fidelity
Is all the Empire asks of public men.

When will we learn the time to make a fuss
Is when the party most us?



This space will present occasional light verse, mostly on political topics, ranging from merry to rude to bitter (I'm a liberal and I have a lot to be bitter about these days). Comments are good, and verse is better. Feel free to distribute this material under the Creative Commons license shown (with attribution to the pseudonym "Nightquill", and no commercial use).

Thanks, and I hope you enjoy!